We arrived at the Logan IA community center at 9:15 am.

Aunt Ellen who owns the local motel was nominally running the show, but we quickly discovered that the plan was pretty flexible. None-the-less, one of the groomsmen, Jaden and I eagerly jumped in to do whatever we were told.

Despite mild warnings I’d been given, Ellen was easy to work with. She had her ideas, but was also open to suggestions, and even implemented a few of mine.

Then at about 11am Kelly and Aunt Becky took a break from cake decorating to come provide additional help with the venue setup.

For me at least, the atmosphere quickly became noticeably more tense.

I like to think that my time in the military provided me with the attributes of both a good leader and a good follower. But for some reason, when it came to the second task, I found it much easier to take “orders” from Aunt Ellen than even “suggestions” from Kelly.

Why is that?

What is it that makes it easier (for some of us anyway) to interact, work, and comprise with people we’ve just met, than with someone we’ve been in a relationship with for years?

In the end, I apparently held things together pretty well …

However, I’m left searching for strategies I can use to repeat this behavior when we’re back home with only ourselves (and maybe the teens) around.

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We’ve all heard the advice to “dance like no one’s watching”.

I think I need modify that a little bit for my interactions with Kelly to:

Talk and respond like the room is full of people you just met.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Til next time,

Todd

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… and yes, it’s true, I am very much Imperfect Todd

But even as much as I truly believe that I could be doing better at a lot of things, the reality is, relatively speaking (perspective) my life is pretty darn good.

And more importantly …

I fully expect (optimism) that it’s going to keep getting better.

I think perspective and optimism kind of go hand in hand, at least in the respect that it’s a little easier to be optimistic about the future if you possess the ability to put your past and present in perspective.

We humans tend to have a natural bias towards negativity (and sometimes it’s even warranted) but in every situation (especially the “bad” ones) there is a magic rhetorical question we can ask ourselves that helps put thing in perspective:

Seriously.

Sometimes it’s really hard, and it may take quite a while to come up with an acceptable answer, but ultimately there’s always going to be something we can grasp on to.

There’s also a kind of companion question that helps even more when it comes to perspective:

I’ll give you kind of a silly example …

I recently got a raise at work (yes, us federal employees get those every year or two) and after doing the math, I caught myself lamenting that the $200 or so a month (the actual amount of the raise) wouldn’t make a material difference in my lifestyle.

Then I caught myself …

Wait, what the fuck Todd?

If I were working for minimum wage at Walmart or a fast food place, I would be over the moon about earning $200 more a month.

Damn …

Shut up and be thankful already!

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… and that’s perspective in a nutshell.

No matter where we currently sit on the totem pole of life, we all almost certainly have some things to be grateful for.

Which bring me to Optimism …

I’ve actually been scolded that “you’re not really an optimist” because I sometimes get depressed, angry, or un-appreciative about the curveballs that life often throws our way. This totally misunderstands what that word means.

Optimism is not the (irrational) belief that things are “always good”.

Instead, it’s the faith that even when we find ourselves in stormy waters, we will eventually enjoy basking in the sunlight again, because given a long-enough timeline life pretty much always evens out.

At certain points in my life I may have take this slightly to the extreme. This was my literal self talk:

… and that’s always proven to be true!

The good stuff does come.

Which brings me right back to the theme of this New Greater YOU site.

It’s okay to suck.

Just because we’re imperfect now, doesn’t mean that there’s not a better version of ourselves parked somewhere down around the corner of time, just waiting to be discovered and occupied.

Til next time,

Todd

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It was a long time ago.

Apparently I’ve got a slightly compressed L5-S1. In addition to the pain, I have continually numb feet and tingly legs, due to sciatica.

Now here’s the “interesting” (not!) part …

Ask me if I’m doing anything about my back pain? (other than commenting that it hurts multiple times a day)

Survey says: NOPE!

Now ask me if I’m already aware of things that I could be doing, but am apparently too lazy or stubborn to keep up with regularly?

You guessed it …

I’ve been to doctor’s appointments and physical therapy. I’ve also been provided numerous handouts and websites with stretching exercises to do daily. In addition, I’ve been talking for a while about doing yoga (which I quite enjoy) every morning.

I even found stuff like this already saved in my Google photos (not sure of the source)

But somehow I’m always “too busy” or even better “forget” to do any of it.

Instead I just say “ouch!” a lot.

Time for a turn around:

I know that I have to do something (other than belly ache).

But there are so many options …

Besides all of the articles about “back pain” here on Substack, I already subscribe to a couple of yoga publications.

Yoga Living 50 and Beyond

Does your lower back scream? How to make it happier

Lower back pain is common in aging adults. A quick Google search shows that anywhere from 39-84% of adults experience lower back pain at some point in their life. Yoga and core strengthening practices can give you the strength and mobility that you need to support your lower back, to both prevent pain, and help you through the pain when it happens…

Read more

2 years ago · 24 likes · 37 comments · Janine Agoglia

Yoga For Tired People

A 5-minute midday stretch for the low back

Hi Tired Yogi…

Listen now

a year ago · 390 likes · 29 comments · Jo Hutton

Then The NY Times is telling me to strengthen my core and move every day.

NY Times: To Ease Sciatica, Keep Moving (gift link)

Duh, thanks.

Finally, the VA also has a ton of information and resources.

https://www.va.gov/WHOLEHEALTHLIBRARY/tools/low-back-pain.asp

… which probably goes at least a short way towards explaining why I so often do nothing.

I think I just need to get back in the habit of doing something, every day.

In the end, I think the easiest path is the 12 year old You Tube video I already have saved in my favorites and bookmarked on my living room tv:

And the 2-3 mile walk that we already go on most evenings.

When this becomes a legitimate habit, then I can try to tackle the more advanced stuff.

Til next time,

Todd

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But among the most easily falsifiable is the idea that:

Yea, nope … survey (and waistline) says BULLSHIT!

I’m not legitimately fat again like I was back in 2019. But damn if I don’t allow myself way too many doughnuts and second or third slices of pizza these days.

So what’s the solution?

Record every single thing that I eat, every single day.

If I want to eat a cookie or a piece of cake, I still can.

But it’s going to live on forever in my food log.

The psychology of this is more powerful than you might expect.

How do you track your food?

It could be as simple as carrying around a little notebook in your pocket. But let’s be real, these days just about everybody has their phone with them all the time.

From 2019-2022 I used an app.

Unfortunately that app is no longer supported, so I wasn’t able to load it on my new phone. I was able to find a reasonable alternative though:

Food Diary (android)

Opinions on this may vary, but here’s what I look for in a food logging app:

• It needs to have an easy way for me to record what I ate

• It needs to record the date/time I ate it

That’s it. I don’t want anything fancy.

I don’t need something to try to estimate calories, calculate the macros, build a grocery list, or any of that other extraneous crap.

I just need to be able to see what I ate and when I ate it … ideally going back years.

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So that’s the deal with food tracking.

It’s something I should probably keep doing forever (due to the obvious benefits).

It’s not at all difficult to do.

So why the hell haven’t I been doing it lately?

Another (easy?) fix that starts today.

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Onward and upward (or downward?) …

185 lbs here I come again!

Til next time,

Todd

www.AComplaintFreeWorld.org

First a confession: I bought this book over 2 years ago, and have been wearing one of (I bought a 10 pack) the purple wristbands almost every day since.

But I haven’t been actively trying to follow the program. 😟 In fact I can’t remember the last time I even switched it to the other wrist. I still complain A LOT … ironically, mostly about how much and how often someone else complains.

That changes today.

I’m going to reread the book again, but the basic concept is pretty simple:

• Wear the wristband

• Anytime you complain, criticize, or gossip you switch wrists

• You also go back to Day 1

• The Goal is to get to 21 Days complaint free

Even when you’re actively trying, it’s not easy. It may take months to advance past day 2 or 3. Then if you have a slip at Day 14, or even 20, it’s back to the start at Day 1.

This is an obvious first step towards my goal of trying to be the best version of Todd that I can be. One of my improvement list items in my intro post was working to cut down/eliminate my occasional outbursts of anger.

Here’s the thing, most/all of my angry outbursts usually involve some form of complaints or criticism.

Initially, even if having to stop to switch the wristband just cuts down on the duration of some of my rants, it will be a pretty clear win.

Wish me luck.

I won’t bore you with updates every day, but I will let you know if I hit a good milestone.

Anybody else want to give this a try?

(The book and the purple wristbands from the website are helpful, but you can do this with a rubber band, a ring, or even a rock or coin that you switch from pocket to pocket)

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Til next time,

Todd

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I have a nice job, live in a great location, and have a supportive and loving family.

All-in-all I live a pretty good life.

But …

(lol, there’s always a “but”)

There are at least a few areas of my existence that I struggle with daily

… and the really frustrating thing is, I (think) already know what I need to do to improve many of these issues.

However, for some reason I don’t … at least not consistently.

Here is a short list of things that I want/need to improve:

• Stop Procrastinating

• Control (irrational?) outbursts of anger

• Stretch every day (or at least more often)

• Get my heart rate up / get sweaty every day (or at least more often)

• Eat more of the good foods (I actually like) instead of the junk that’s easy to grab

• Be a cleaner/neater person when it come to my/shared space (this one’s for Kelly)

• Read more fiction … and correspondingly less non-fiction / “news”

This list is obviously not all inclusive. Nor is it in any particular order.

These are just areas were I think/know I can improve, but I suspect that I might benefit from some accountability.

That’s where this new Substack comes in …

I’ll start of with what this won’t be.

I will not be presenting myself as any kind of an “expert” or trying to “teach” anything to anybody who may be following along.

What I am going to do is explore my own struggles.

Maybe share any resources and techniques that I choose to try.

Discuss what worked and what didn’t, and maybe ask for help with the “why”.

You know, “wisdom of the crowds” and all that.

I have no idea if anybody will even be interested in reading this. (and if nobody does, that’s okay,

… and I don’t have a good answer for “what’s in it for you?” if you subscribe.

But I feel like the whole exercise is more likely to help me if it’s an interactive experience. So Thank You in advance if you decide to follow along.

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Todd

p.s. I also can’t predict right now how often I’ll post here. The honest answer is probably “whenever it feels like I have something to write about”.